When Should You Talk to Kids About Sex?

When Should You Talk to Kids About Sex?


I wanted to share something with you that happened a short while ago. I was caught off guard and didn’t know how to handle it. For those who don’t know me personally, I always have to be prepared in advance and don’t like to be caught off guard.

Well, here it is…. A few weeks back I came home from work later than usual. Everyone had dinner already. Kids were playing. So I grabbed something to eat. All of a sudden my older daughter comes to me, who is nine, and casually asks me: “Mom can you tell me about sex?” I almost choked on whatever I was chewing. ?

I knew I would soon have to talk to my kids about sex. And I thought that the appropriate age would be around twelve, and definitely not nine. So, in my mind, I still had time to prepare. Well, apparently I was wrong.

Since I was caught off guard, instead of responding to my daughter I shoved more food in my mouth to buy myself a little bit more time. And usually, I can think on my feet, I am a decision-maker, and can come up with a solution even in unexpected events. But this time it seemed that someone wiped my brains out. 🙂 I could not come up with a single word to say.

And maybe one of the reasons I didn’t know how to react was that my feelings and emotions were conflicting with each other. On one hand, I knew I had to respond to her with something. On the other, it was rushing through my mind that she is still a baby, that it’s wrong, etc. Who the hell is talking to my baby about these things?!

And let me explain something else. My nine-year-old is really a baby. ? I remember myself at nine, and I was much more mature at that age. It might be due to the fact that I grew up in Russia, and it seemed that we matured earlier. But my daughter is really into toys and not boys. That is why I was shocked to hear this question.

Our kids are attending Montessori school, which I really used to like. One of Montessori’s philosophies is that they put kids of different age groups in the same classroom, so they can interact and learn from each other and help one another. So my daughter is enrolled in the class with 4-6 graders. And she is in the 4th grade.

Only recently I stopped liking this Montessori idea all that much. All of those older girls are sharing things with my nine-year-old that are not supposed to be shared at this age. There is a lot more I can say on this subject, but in order to stay proper, I will get back to my original story. ?

My daughter was patiently waiting… And since it seemed that my brains were wiped out at that moment, I put so much food in my mouth that I could only make sounds instead of the actual words. At least I could start pretending that I am trying to say something.

Getting tired of waiting for me to chew up my food and start talking like a human, my daughter went back to her sister and continued playing together.

I was able to exhale. I was hoping that it was just a sporadic question out of nowhere and that she would soon forget about this. But just in case, I grabbed my phone and started googling “how to talk to your kids about sex”.

There are a lot of different articles out there, but I couldn’t find anything that spoke to me. I think most of these articles are targeted for young teenagers. I started looking for results for a specific age, under 10 years old. And whatever I came across was written for parents who have boys.

I was not able to find anything that age-appropriate to help me to talk to my little girl. My younger daughter is seven. So whatever I am sharing with a nine-year-old should be safe enough to be shared with a little one. So, just this reason alone puts me at bigger stress when I am trying to come up with a plan on how to talk about sex.

I was searching for this info in a panicky mode. And I see my daughter getting up and walking back to me.

Below I will describe our dialogue:

– “So Mom”, she says “Can you tell me about sex?”

– “No, I can’t!!! Go play with your toys!” – I wanted to say….. But I had to be an adult about this and start talking.

– “What do you want to know, dear?” – I have asked, hoping that maybe one tiny good idea will come to my mind in the meantime. ?

– “Everything” – she said.

– “Well, what do you know about sex so far?” – I have asked.

“Men and women get naked…” – she said.

– “Ok, good.” – was my response really hoping that this will be the end of the conversation.

– “Tell me more, Mom” – said, my daughter.

– “What else do you know about sex, Dear?” – I have responded.

“They start kissing…” – she said.

– “See, you know a lot already” – was the only thing I could respond with. I swear, at that moment it felt that I have nothing inside of my head, not a single thought except sheer panic.

– “What else don’t I know?” – was her question.

– “Well, they connect their private parts…” – was the only good response that came to my mind. ? – “And that is how kids are made.”

– “So, you are saying I came from Dad’s penis??!!” – she has screamed very loud and in total disgust.

– “Well, partially yes” – I answered, couldn’t hold and just burst into laughter. ?

She started screaming “Ewww, that is disgusting!!!” and running around the house. This was going on for some time, we were laughing together. Then the little one came over to see what was all the commotion about. ? And we have agreed to continue this conversation another time. And they went back to playing with toys.

Even though I was saved that day, I know we will need to continue this conversation very soon, hopefully – before older girls will tell her inappropriate stories.

Can someone suggest how should I talk to a nine-year-old girl about sex? What is the language I should use? And please keep in mind that this information should be also appropriate for a seven-year-old.

Please share your stories. And any advice would be appreciated. You can share it publicly here or email me at [email protected].

There is a funny quote I came across not too long ago:

“Raising kids is like a walk in the park.
Jurassic Park”. ?


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